4 a.m. Blues

It's four o'clock in the morning, and I am pretty sure I would be happier if I could sleep another couple hours. Just a couple. Left to my druthers, I usually get up around six, anyway. My baby girl crept into my bed last night, par for the course, and as I type she is snoring softly, sprawled in the middle of my bed, although truth be told, the middle is where she has been all along. I resign myself to sleeping on six edges off the side of the bed, but what can you do? She IS the princess. If I ever meet a man a man I would like to have in bed I am sure I will regret letting this little habit bloom, but she needs me, and another truth to be told is I need her, too.

My boys are asleep in a happy pile in their bedroom. They have to get themselves up, dressed, some reasonable facsimile of breakfast in their bellies, and walk themselves the half a mile to school today. Clothes have been carefully laid out in a pile, cereal poured into bowls, with fruit alongside, waiting for milk only to make it become a balanced meal. Snacks and lunch have been meticulously packed into backpacks. But I am freaking out about having to leave them alone for a couple hours. Damn restaurant that won't open itself. I will loathe each and every selfish asshole that comes in, but only until 7:15, when my kids will leave for school. Once they have called to say goodbye, I will morph into my usual cheerful self, serving up a side of banter with the eggs, and it will be good.

It is virtually impossible to have kids AND get enough sleep if 4 a.m. is when you have to wake up. They simply have too much to do to get into bed at seven in the evening. The worst for me is that I take that little sleep and punctuate it with startles to see how much longer I have to sleep.

Happy Columbus Day! I am half Indian (yeah, I do not say Native American) and this "holiday" does not offend me. I'm probably going to lose my tribal card for saying so, but what is the big deal? The nature of "progress" destroys the old that dare to wander in its' path. It's too early to get all philosophical, so I will leave it at that, and have a great Monday, even if you think Columbus was a racist, genocidal old bastard!